I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
