you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
