Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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