So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
