What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
