He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
