It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize