Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
