Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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