A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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