Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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