her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
