well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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