tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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