omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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