Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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