Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
