tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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