I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
