FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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