Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
