He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
