he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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