I think I won the penis lottery.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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