i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well you can't waste a boner
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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