There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
