and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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