escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
