break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
