i think my mom watched the whole time
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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