My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
