Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
