dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
