im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
