Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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