We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
