Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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