what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
