Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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