The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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