You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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