I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
