We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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