So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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