College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
