We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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