If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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