Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
