I heard we made out
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
