I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm passing your future prison.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
