how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
