Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
