Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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