She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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