Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We left the knife in your bed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
