your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
