party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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