She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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