Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
