you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
