My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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