The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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