hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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