HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
