I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us