YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night