btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.