Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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