If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ttyl tear gas
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
