You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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