I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
