I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
