hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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