i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
