It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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