so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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