stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
