How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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